Letters from Iwo Gima

not really! but letters none the less! GOOD MORNING!

I received my first letter in my personal stalker mailbox when i happened to be in the neighbourhood of the post office yesterday afternoon, but to my disgust… it was not a fan.. rather a critic.

 

MOTHER DEAREST.

Hello Jacqueline,    How many times do i have to tell you.. it’s JACK!    Just writing to tell you about Dennis (of course) and his recent achievements at the Lake Louise Junior High Science Fair. I have never been a prouder parent!  Gee, thanks Betty. That makes me feel just so warm and fuzzy on the inside.    Dennis came second in the science competition with his brilliant model of a volcano. The other girl that came first obviously had so much help from her parents, it was pathetic.   Oh i see what’s going on here! You just hate every young girl on this planet now don’t you Betty!  Your old drama teacher handed me a flyer for their latest production of “Oliver Twist”, but i used it to put my gum in on the way home… just another silly fanciful thing it seems. Yes, because everything i show an interest in is always ‘fanciful’ to you isn’t it Betty. That imagery is exactly what i’m talking about! You putting your sticky little rubbish all over my dreams until they’re scrunched and lying in the gutter!!!  Anyway my dear, (*dry heaves*) I must be off! I have to take Dennis to the mall for ice cream to celebrate!   I want to kick Dennis’ perfect little ass so hard right now.   Hope all is well and i also hope you have gotten a few jobs… Mummy giveth   …wouldn’t want to prove all the family right now do you?  Mummy taketh away.  Take care.   will do.

Mum xo         no.. not mum…BETTY.

what a wonderfully supportive letter that was. (<– insert sarcasm here) Nice to see my PO Box is being put to good use.

AND GET STALKING AND LETTER-WRITING FANS! i’m beginning to doubt your dedication to me… tut tut! Just to clarify, the Box Number is 212, for those i’m sure have stupidly written the wrong number. (the 121 box must be simply overflowing with my mail!) 

Mustn’t it?

Off to work ta-ta  xo